Cloverfield

Yeah I know this review is a year or more late, but here it is anyway:

Cloverfield was strewn with inconsistencies and relatively stupid characters.

1. The protagonist's girlfriend suffered a severe wound but was still alive after (at least) 3 hours. The girl was stabbed through with a metal pole at the start of the whole monster rampage. To me, that constitutes a heavy wound which probabaly involved lots of blood spillage.



When she phones her boyfriend to come save her, the audience is thinking: Dude, She'll be dead by the time you get there. True enough, the protagonist reaches GF's apartment to find her with her eyes closed, not breathing. He kneels at her side and weeps.



Suddenly, like Dracula rising from his coffin, GF sits up and gasps for breath. It is probably one of the most anti-climatic scenes in the movie. The protagonist is joyful, the audience is thinking: WOAH.



2. Despite the heavy bloodloss and having just recently been punctured by a pole, GF is sprightly enough to run faster than the dude with the camera. In fact, she looks positively healthy.



3. Before reaching GF's apartment, the protagonist and company decide to run through a subway tunnel. Unarmed. Have none of these kids played video games? Have they not watched horror movies? Do they not know what happens in dark claustrophobic places?


Anyway, they're running through the dark tunnel when they hear a NOISE.



One of them asks if the others heard something and they all stop. They proceed to on the videocamera's light. At this point the audience is thinking: Dudes you're all so dead.


Needless to say, the monsters attack.



4. The gang are saved by the military. BF really really wants to save his GF even after the sergeant tells him that her apartment is in a Monster Infested Hotspot and she's probably dead by now. BF is all: Oh NO I am saving her! So the sergeant says: Ok meet back here in time for the helicopter and good luck. He then lets them leave unarmed.


Ok.


The military professional just sent a bunch of civilians into the battleground. Unarmed.



5. The gang make their way to GF's apartment and are still too brainless to find something to use as a weapon. As they near the Monster Hotspot, the audience brace themselves for a fight scene.



Turns out the sergeant was right. They really didn't need any weapons. In the whole big, gargantuan building, there's only one lonely little monster who pops up randomly and is instantly punched to death. For Monster Hotspot, the place is pretty empty. Not just of monsters but also of bodies. Since this is a big residential building, you half expect to see bodies lying around.


There's none, zilch. The place is spotless, nothing but debris. No bones, no blood. Just one girl with a pole run through her. Either the tenants of the building run really fast, or the monster ate them bones and all.


6. The gang finally end up in the helicopter, unfortunately, it gets knocked down. The audience is thinking: This time they're really dead.


Wrong. They're alive! But all the military personnel who were in the 'copter with them are dead.


Camera dude gets eaten by the monster. BF and GF are nearby but somehow escape. Apparently the monster was too full to chase them.


BF and GF are hiding under a bridge. The bridge gets bombed.
The End.



All in all, Cloverfield was a brainless, yet entertaining watch. Hopefully the sequel makes more sense.